@UnwarnedLife Won't Give Up

9 Comments

happy grasshopper

12/25/2011 5:23:28 PM

What if, if your life was easy, you would find it boring and not exciting? Life can be quite easy, if we want it to be. But we don't, and that's why it's not. We choose to take the hard way. Because this is more exciting. I try to do the undoable. Because if I manage it, how will I feel?! Life is good to be difficult. Think about it. You don't like an easy life. You want to earn each line and word of your achievements. You want it to mean something. Because only then, you can say, you've done the best you could, in the few or many years that God gave you to live.

Lola

12/25/2011 6:39:10 PM

It helps me to still believe my loved ones who have passed on are still available in spirit at times. Since I was a child, I believed this. I had a pony get killed and was morose and felt guilty for the death, thinking if I'd loved it enough, it wouldn't have happened. I blamed myself. Because I was very young and I had the Christian ethic that God rewards and punishes. Then after a week of unrelenting crying and sadness, near hysteria, my pony came to me in a dream and let me know he was okay and washed me with calm, and since then I have always believed loved ones are still somewhere in spirit and that sometimes we hear from them in dreams or unbidden thoughts or signs that remind me of them.

A few years ago, when I was in what would be the last year of a major 10-year depression with ptsd, my old dog who saw me through it, who'd saved me as I had saved her, had to be put down. I have never loved anyone more than her. I was still in a cloud from it when two days later, one of my dearest old friends died suddenly, a gay man I'd known since he was a teenager, who was like a brother to me. I got the call from his somewhat unsavory brother who (also) had a sick sense of humor, on April Fool's Day, and I thought he was joking at first. Then I was asked by his family to speak, and the reality sunk in. I hadn't even had time to process my dog's death, and then this.

I never stopped talking to my old dog or to my friend, and I really believe they are out there having a life somewhere but that, like me, there are times when they are in spirit and able to communicate a little. One birthday a few years after the dog's death, she visited me in a dream. It was surreal, but at the same time, very real, not a typical dream. There are times I just feel her energy, her quiet strength. I believe she has other things to do but that she will be there when I pass. I hope they all are.

Whether your beliefs are anything like mine or not, if you have something you want to share with a passed loved one, talk to them or write it down. Sometimes I just see something funny and talk to my friend and tell him, Watch this, you'll love it. Because he is the funniest person I know. I don't have to stop sharing that. Regardless of what you believe, you can still have that outlet so you don't miss them so much. Remember, they would certainly not want to think that their death impeded your life and well-being in any way. They want you to live and live well.

Patricia

12/29/2011 8:23:57 AM

I, too, believe wholeheartedly that I will see my old dog again when I pass. Lola, have you read 'Rainbow Bridge?' If not, please Google it. My beloved 107 lb. Nikki, at age 14, was experiencing two seizures a day, that on top of the tumor on her liver which was becoming quite large. Faithful until her last breath, I realized I was keeping her here for selfish purposes. I loved her so much, I didn't want to let her go.

I called my veterinarian, who came to my house during his lunch break to put this grand lady to rest. About a year later, I escaped from an abusive home, grabbing only essentials, one of them being my faithful Nikki's ashes! I know, without a doubt, that I will see her again. Heaven is wonderful beyond our comprehension, which means she will be a part of my heaven. Until then, I still talk to her, have what pictures I was able to grab and remember fondly how special she knew she was.

I always enjoy your comments about animals, Lola, because I feel the same. I can't bring myself to get another dog yet. It's been 4 years since I lost my beautiful, grand lady, but I can't seem to take that step. In the meantime, 5 stray cats have found my refuge which they now call home. Four spays and one neuter later, we make quite a happy family. Life is good.

Lola

12/30/2011 8:35:14 PM

Yes, Patricia, I have read Rainbow Bridge, and I so hope it's true. My gut feeling is that even while we are on earth, there are times we are in spirit and able to visit with other spirits. I too had my old dog put down at home, right by where I am sitting now as I write. She had survived kidney and cancers only to suffer from hip dysplasia. The vets had said she'd never last long enough to have to deal with that, but we surprised them all. An old vet, who was old enough to know nutritional cures, completely rid her of her chronic symptoms from the kidney disease through diet. She had been very abused before I got her, was very fearful and neurotic, claustrophobic, eaten up with allergies. Love brought her a long way. I vowed to always give her everything she wanted because she was afraid to take liberties, wouldn't enter a room until I led her into the room, wouldn't jump on the couch until I (perhaps foolishly) led her onto the couch. (Ironically, once she knew she was welcome in the bed, she thought nothing of hogging most of it.)

Once she made the couch her domain, my mother came to visit. She and Edie were on the couch when I left to run to the store. When I came back, my mother had had to relinquish the couch to Edie because when she had swiveled around to put her feet up (in her space), Edie had growled at her. Understand that this dog looked really mean, big black, part lab, glassy eyes, not a big tail wagger in general. My mom knew her history and how scared she'd been, and we both actually thought it was funny that she'd worked up the moxy to take over the couch from interlopers. The vet was even afraid of her, but by about the seventh year she treated her, she finally said, "Well, if she was ever a biter, she'd have bitten me by now." She never did hurt anyone, but I think she saved me from gang rape once acting like she was going to.

I was at my dad's after he was into severe alcoholism in his old age, plus dementia, and he was living out rural and was indescriminate about who he let into the house to drink with him. There was a family of scary men living nearby. Literally Larry, Darrell and Darrell types, really. Honestly, a lot scarier and not at all funny like L, D & D. They saw my car there when I came to visit for Christmas and came over. I was on edge immediately. My dog stood right at my feet as I sat in the chair. These men were glaring and just really scary. It was like some of the characters in Deliverance. My dad was no help. He'd lost his compass in recent years. These guys just started kind of sidling closer and closer to where I was sitting, just inches at a time. I put my hand on my Edie's head, and she set up a low growl and backed them up a little bit. Right about that time, there was a knock at the door, and a different (decent) neighbor came over wanting to talk to L, D&D because he wanted to buy them out so he didn't have to put up with them anymore. They refused and ran the guy off. I got up and left when the man did, very quickly, and got the F out of there. I know my girl would have taken someone's head off if she needed to for me, but I was dedicated to protecting her so she didn't have to worry about such things.

I'm glad you got out with your Nikki's ashes and some photos. I know you'll see Nikki again someday. I had completely tied myself down because I didn't want to spend any time away from Edie, so when she passed, I took a couple of years off from dogs and got a little traveling in, but my conscience wouldn't let me not save another dog, plus I love to sleep with them. I just know I'm one of the best pet moms ever and that it's not fair for me to sit around idle when so many need a home. I tried fostering so I didn't get tied down, but of course ended up with the foster dog. And then I had to get a friend for the foster dog, of course. And then the foster dog died prematurely from a heart condition, and I had to get another dog for the other dog. Well, you get the picture. I only have two. I only have two hands. That's the only things standing between me and becoming a dog hoarder! I want to give them equal time. Glad you've got the cats. I have one, and it's more than my dogs can handle. She's got them whipped.

DDA

1/5/2012 12:08:33 AM

Interesting thought, Grasshopper......Personally, I choose the easy way whenever possible.

Patricia

1/5/2012 12:22:43 AM

Great story, Lola, as usual. Too bad my Nikki and your Edie didn't meet on earth, although I'm sure they're pretty ticked that we're discussing them now. Edie sounded like my Nikki--very protective. I had picked her out of the litter before she was 24 hours old, and by golly I think she knew it. Although she loved my two children who are grown and gone now, she had eyes only for me.

Funny, I forgot about that. My son or daughter would tell her to do something, and she'd look at me first, like for assurance that yep, it was okay to do that, and only then would she do it. I'm very thankful I didn't have any L, D & Ds around! No telling what she would have done there!

You have such great stories, Lola. Keep 'em coming. Thanks for the story of your precious Edie. I enjoyed the laugh.

Lola

1/5/2012 9:07:15 AM

You were the leader of the pack, clearly, Patricia. Because you talked about Nikki as a pup, I'll tell you another what I consider spiritual incident involving Edie. As I came to love her so very much, I had a moment of sadness that I didn't know her as a puppy, and a few days later, a vision came to me in a dream of her as a puppy. I know most people would scoff, but I believe her spirit sent my spirit that photo. After that, I felt I knew her as a puppy.

Patricia

1/7/2012 12:24:45 AM

Okay, first, Lola, I meant to say our babes are tickled, not ticked, that we're talking about them. About your vision--no, I do not scoff at all, because I totally understand. Nikki has visited me more than once in my dreams, and they are incredibly real. I wholeheartedly believe your Edie made contact. You knew her as a puppy now, and you'll meet her again one day.

Anastasiya

2/2/2012 9:15:32 PM

Life goes on...It will never be the same...i also lost my loved one and I gave life to my son, still think about what ifs and so on...The most important thing is to always look on the bright side, OUR LOVED ONES are looking down on us, they are in our hearts everyday, they are our guardian angels! life is too short and don't take it for granted, you are still in this world and you just might have a job to do for God or higher power, in the future, ....Help others and don't feel sorry for yourself! i started a small thing where I help people with laundry, shopping, and cleaning and its mostly for elders i love i love it, it makes me feel good. Best of luck, this world is not easy but we can do it! keep smiling, keep up with that good attitude! Love, Anastasiya