Dear Dr. Archer,
I'm a gay man living in London. Until recently, I was seeing a man who turned out to be a sex addict. This went on for four years, because I was in love with him and lived in hope that he would change.
Despite realizing that he was not looking for a partner, I kept visiting him for sex -- it was amazing. His attitude, however, was terrible, and I even risked my sexual health.
I was emotionally attracted to this man until I joined a group for gay men who are having problems due to their sexuality. After four sessions with this group, I was able to get things into perspective and stop seeing him. I no longer take his calls and I ignore his texts.
I would be grateful if you could publish my letter. Hopefully there will be other gay men out there who can identify with my situation and pluck up the courage to move on from manipulative "friendships." Thank you.
Absolutely I will publish your letter. Congratulations on taking charge of your own life and your own future. I take exception to one point, though. Your letter, Ralph, can benefit heterosexuals as well as homosexuals.
Individuals in gay, lesbian or straight relationships may experience the same thing you describe, and it's just as destructive no matter what your sexuality may be.
Thank you so much for sharing your triumph in taking charge of your life and your mental health. It is a psychological victory and a gift to yourself, and I know it took much courage.
The simple fact is that often when the heart says stay, the brain says no way and usually the brain is correct. But gaining control of our emotions in a time like that is never easy and in fact for some it SEEMS impossible.
You should be very proud. I predict that with your new mindset you will soon meet someone willing to take on the joys and challenges of a committed relationship with you.
Thank you very much for sharing with the rest of us; I'm sure it will help many. Best of luck!