Dear Dr. Archer,
How can I be positive about life? I'm gay and I have found a boy who makes me perfectly happy, but I'm scared he'll leave me. I get instant, scary thoughts about him cheating on me, or imagine us not being together in the future. I try to be positive, but these thoughts jump into my head and then I'm depressed.
I see people being happy with nothing, so why can't I manage to be happy? I'm so scared about the future, when I tell anyone they tell me to live from day to day. I have tried this, but I never succeed! I want to be positive about my life, relationship and even about myself, but I don't know how.
My only goal in life is to make that boy happy because I keep hurting him with these stupid thoughts. He promises me he truly loves me and has never felt this way before. The point is, I don't want to be the negative me. I want to be a new positive me.
This is all about you not about your relationship, though, being negative will absolutely push those you love away. You MUST take control of your own life, Shane, and decide now that enough with the negativity! Remember this: YOU are in control of YOU.
Read How Can I Get Over My Fear Of Death? because the concept is the same, whether the unnecessary worrying is about death or a relationship. The fact remains that your worrying is now taking a life of it's own, and it will become a self fulfilling prophesy if you do not stop.
Learn to channel that energy you're wasting into positive, happy thoughts. You might think you can't do it, but you can, and if you value your relationship, you will. Start doing these things and become the positive, happy person you want to be:
**Have a new affirmation every day. Have a new statement every day, and say it out loud, without fail. Whether it's general such as, "I will make today the best day I can," or something specific such as "I will go out of my way to help an elderly person" or "I will surprise my boyfriend with a love note."
Anything, but it must be positive and make you feel good. Say statements that have meaning to you and state it throughout the day, every day in the present tense. Every night before bed, decide on your statement for the next day.
**Use positive language. When we speak positively, the subconscious mind believes it. If you intentionally say positive things, Shane, you will reshape your subconscious mind to start thinking positive thoughts, thus enhancing your whole life.
Wake up and say out loud, "Today is going to be a great day!" Tell it to your mate, too, and then make it happen. Instead of worrying about losing him, tell him what a great day you had and you want to take him out, and go have fun. He'll love that so much more than a moping, insecure partner.
Remember, a positive mind anticipates good, happiness and joy -- and it expects success and positive results, too. Give it a try; you'll love the results!
The more you do this, Shane, the easier it will become. Positive thinking is contagious, too, just like negative thinking. The positive thinking is much, much more fun, though, so start today.
**Surround yourself with positive, good images. Whether it's your affirmations, photographs, or famous quotes, have them around your home, in your car and at work so whenever you look at them, they will help you get a perspective on things and lift your mood.
**Say "Thank You" and mean it. We take so much for granted, but we should really be grateful for everything we have. Say thank you to anyone who helps, even in the slightest way. Say "thank you" to yourself, when you think of a blessing that you have -- say it out loud.
Go to my facebook page and check out the 10 Easy Things you can do to be happy. These are 10 things that not only you should do, but your boyfriend, too. And, Shane, if the two of you do them together, that would be a bonus for you both.