Dear Dr. Archer,
In May, 2009 I asked a man out, and we were together for 20 days. I left to continue my studies in another city. For two years we would get together whenever I went home. We'd talk on the phone, but I'd always end up feeling badly. In October of 2010 he said we should meet each other's families.
He met my parents in January of 2011, and they loved him. In March I returned from college and we arranged for everyone to meet. The meeting went well, but he felt that it seemed very organized. In India, weddings are usually planned by the parents.
I then had to leave for another city to work. Once I left, he no longer wanted to talk to me. For two months he ignored me, as he met and liked another woman who worked at his place of employment. She always had a crush on him, as he is a very handsome man. My friend told me the other woman also took him to a tarot card reader.
In March my boyfriend finally decided to commit to me and get married. We were all happy, but then in September he proposed to the other woman as well! He pressured me to annul our marriage. The other woman accepted his proposal and broke up with her boyfriend, but then my husband had doubts that he would be happy with her. He is very confused about both of us now.
I tried talking to her, explaining how my husband has been playing with both of us with his indecision. She decided to leave, which left my husband very sad, and then he left me! It has been two months, and he has no desire to ever return home.
He loved me, but forgot about our beautiful relationship because of this woman. I feel so discouraged, as I have made many, many compromises for this relationship.
Mansi
Dear Mansi,
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your husband is rude, inconsiderate and immature. Here is what you need to do. File for divorce immediately. Do not look back and do not cry over this guy. Why would you even want to put up with such boorish behavior? This is the second time he ignored you, why would you want to fight for a guy that clearly is not into you.
He's been out of your life for two months. At this point you must say 'good riddance'; forget him and look towards your future. No more compromising because, quite frankly, you've compromised enough.
You cannot put up with such behavior, Mansi, no matter how handsome your husband was; one day the looks will fade. It's time for him to start acting like a man but that will be with someone else. You are done.
You can make your future whatever you wish, so starting today, make it the best you can be. Don't look back with regret, but rather make this a learning experience. Consider yourself lucky for finding out so early how immature this man was BEFORE you had kids. In that respect, you have much to be thankful for. Good luck.
Dr. Archer
