Dear Dr. Archer,
I am a 20 year old single man with no siblings. I am a university student now, and I feel loneliness and emptiness to the point that it feels like it is killing me.
When I am out with friends I don't feel comfortable, and I find it too difficult to communicate with these friends as to how I feel. I couldn't keep a relationship that I wanted in my life, even though I tried my best to find a solution to the problem. Since I am in college now, my colleagues are different, and their style is not what I want to share.
I like people, and I like spending time with friends. I also like having a girl to spend my time with, but I don't know how to find these things. I try to find some place to meet people I want to spend time with who have similar interests and get rid of this emptiness. Can you help me? What do I need to do?
Making the transition from high school to college can be challenging to many, many students. Please realize that you are not alone in your feelings. There are a couple of key points I'd like you to remember, Sam, with the main one being to remain true to yourself.
There is a wide diversity that is found on college campuses across the country. Use this opportunity to expand your horizons and find out who you are. Although there are not as many as in high school, clicks in college do exist. What you want to do is meet people that share you interests.
Look into activities, intramural sports and enrolling in classes that you find interesting. There are clubs for everything/everyone. Joining one or more of these will offer you the opportunity to meet a variety of people who share common interest with you. They are just like you, they want to meet people.
Go to school events, be it a sports event, a cultural event or an open lecture. Just make casual conversation with other students. Study in the library and when in your dorm room, leave it open. It offers others a chance to come in and get to know you.
Also, don't go to your dorm room between classes. It might be tempting, but rather go to the coffee shop. If there's a quad, go sit outside to read, study or just enjoy the day. This is a setting that makes it easy to chit chat.
Finally, try to remember that students in college are there to learn, make the grade, think about careers and make new friends. The key, Samer, is to be yourself and be open minded to change. You will find diversity in college that mirrors real life. Be flexible and you should see everything else fall into place. Good luck, and have a great college experience.