Dear Dr. Archer,
I am a 26 year old male and I have an aunt which is very close to me. My problem is that I have an overwhelming urge to have sex with her. She is 55 and married, and refuses to have sex with me, stating she is too much older and married.
I am not sexually attracted to other women, however, and this is now a huge problem for me. Please kindly help me.
I am not concerned with the age difference here; once men and women become adults, it's all about what type of connection two people have. What raises red flags for me are two things.
One, she is married. You are putting your aunt in a very uncomfortable position, as you are asking her to turn away from the vows she made to her husband. Continuing this infatuation could have disastrous consequences. You are asking her to become a liar and cheater. That is not fair at all to her.
The second thing that bothers me is whether this aunt is a blood relative? Is she your mother's or father's sister? Again, this is inappropriate on many fronts, one of the oldest of all taboos.
Michael, it is not uncommon to be infatuated with an older relative. That said, your feelings need to be refocused. As long as you entertain your thoughts with your aunt, you will become stuck and miserable. Cut the ties that keep you focused on her and turn your eyes towards other women. Age is irrelevant; if you want someone older, that is fine.
The key, Michael, is to find someone who is first and foremost not married. Next, look for someone with whom you can connect without having to ask them to live a lie.
This world is full of beautiful, fabulous women who are looking for a beautiful, fabulous man. Forget your aunt and give the others a chance. Not only will you feel better, your aunt will feel better and so will your future lady friends.