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Have I Lost My Online Boyfriend?
7/9/2011 10:00:59 AM
Dear Dr. Archer,
There was this guy with whom I had a three year relationship. Out of these three years, he cheated on me for two and a half years, but stopped recently. We fought because of his emotional disorder, and we broke up many times. 

Let me say this was strictly an online relationship. We dreamt of meeting each other, but those dreams shattered the moment we broke up.

I want to understand boys, Dr. Archer. Just a minute ago I told him I missed him, and he stopped replying We were talking before I told him this. Why did that happen? Is he ignoring me? Does he still love me? He has broken up and come back to me many times before.

I have tried to forget him, but I still love him. Can you tell me why he stopped replying? Is it simply because I said I missed him? Also, he's a game addict.
Susannah

Dear Susannah,
If this guy wants to break up again, please, take him up on the offer! It's been three years, and you have yet to meet? And you hurt and claim to love him? Really? If this is so difficult online, what do you think it'd be like in person?

Being in love is much more than typing on a keyboard, Susannah. Look at how you describe this "relationship" and tell me with a straight face you're not better off without him.

It's been three years and you've never met, you argue, break up, make up, break up, all the while he's cheating on you, and he's a gamer -- why on earth would you say you love him?

Sometimes online relationships work, but they are rare. This is one, however, that you should end for good. He is not treating you like a boyfriend should, not by any stretch of the imagination. 

Snap out of it, Susannah. You are a plaything for this guy; he probably has a girlfriend and this is amusement during his spare time.

For your own good, please wake up and realize what's going on here. Find a guy with whom you can have a healthy relationship. You're afraid of losing this guy simply because you're longing for a relationship.

 I suggest you start working on you, having fun with some girlfriends, family and friends. You deserve much better than this.
Dr. Archer
Posted by: Dr. Dale Archer | Submit comment | Tell a friend

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6 Comments
marcia
7/9/2011 11:14:07 AM
This sounds like the relationship of the next century! It can be a movie...!

When we will meet new people on line, have a relationship with them, will even have babies with them (get pregnant via the computer - at a press of a button: Do you want to have a baby now? Press yes / no. Your request was accepted, please wait. Thank you. Your baby is due for delivery. Choose date)!!!

And still... we've never met our husband. Maybe in a thousand more years, it can be so. I wonder if the child will look like the father or like the mother. Or maybe there is another button we press for this! But... we are not in these times yet! Maybe one day in the far away future… :- )
Lola
7/9/2011 11:25:50 AM
This has become such a huge problem. Most guys on the internet actively seeking conversations with women are just looking for internet sex. If you don't send them photos or strip in front of a webcam, they lose interest. PLEASE just cut them loose when it's not fun anymore. I am mature and experienced, but I had a three year internet relationship recently too. And I knew something about the person going in, and he's a smart guy, a writer, credible.

It was very stimulating intellectually (long debates) and I still think so, but it drug on too long and I terminated it a year ago, because I just grew weary. I had a tip from a former manager of his that he might never materialize because he was kind of fearful and reclusive. And of course, we had a fight or two about internet sex. I told him I'd never be sending any nude photos to anyone and he wasn't crazy about it because he was looking for something to sustain him, I guess. Meanwhile, he had fans and nude women sending him stuff 24/7. I know he was way more invested in me than anyone else, as nearly 3000 emails would attest (he wouldn't have had time for much else), but that didn't change the fact that things were not moving forward (long distance and the economy) and I eventually just burnt out.

Bottom line, people on the internet -- and this applies to just friends on the internet too -- are editing themselves. You are almost never getting the whole picture of this person but only the filtered, edited, cleaned up version. I made friends with a girl on my fan board some years ago and it was so much fun and she invited me up for a concert but when I took her up on it, she backed off completely and disappeared. She had something to hide. Was probably kind of a recluse or something. On the other hand, one of my best girlfriends, I met on my fan board, but we had to see each other in person to see if it was real or not. You just never know what you're getting on the internet. You can't assume they're even who they say they are in many cases. I still say the best way to make friends and lovers is to get out of the house and go do the things you love -- and be sure the only thing you love isn't talking on the internet!
DDA
7/9/2011 1:24:35 PM
If babies become this easy to deliver, Marcia, perhaps men will want to start giving birth. Then again, it still may be too much trouble for the average guy, lol!
DDA
7/9/2011 1:25:14 PM
You're right, Lola. One never knows who's sitting at the other keyboard, and what's in their minds. There's no way to confirm a connection unless you have a face to face meet.
marcia
7/9/2011 6:29:40 PM
Dear Dr. Archer, by that time, I hope that lucky kid would be able to grow by itself, by the computer doing all the parenting as well, after we just click on the ' A B C D parenting programme'! And then great: ‘Application Successful. Child ready for collection on 13.5.3012. Enjoy it’!

That would be a nice era to live at! Until then, can either dream about it, or not have kids! Better not have kids and live in today’s beautiful world, as long as it stands…

One friend told me this: when he was little, his mother had him and his brother doing all her daily chores. Everyday after they woke up, the 2 boys had to clean the house and cook, from 8.00 to 12 .00. Then, if their job was nicely done, and the food tasty and delicious, their mother would take them to the beach! She would of course swim as well! That’s called clever motherhood! The computer’s job, in today’s times!! :-)
cookieliciousbabe
2/18/2013 9:39:19 AM
November 2012 , i downloaded an online game (koc) and met this super nice guy. he grew so close that we became a thing.. but unfortunately, we ended things.. (february 2013) he got busy with work,school and i totally understand.. =( but eventhou we havent met and its just a few months of chatting, talking, and playing koc, it made me sad and kept thinking until today.. its hard to explain how it felt for those who havent experienced it yet. (this is my first online boyfriend) but its a nice feeling and experience.. =)

im sad that it ended, but im glad it did happen...
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