Dear Dr. Archer,
I need your advice desperately. I'm a 27 year old female doctor. I've been dating a guy for 13 months, but he confuses me!
In the beginning, he was kind and loving, and everything was good between us. Months later he told me he loved me and wanted me as his girlfriend. I loved him and wanted him as my boyfriend.
One month later I felt he was pulling away without saying a word. I tried to find out what was going on, but he'd wouldn't give me any explanations. I love and care about him, and I've tried never to let him down, but when I felt him pulling away I stepped back.
I felt I was trying too hard, so I started leaving him alone. He disappeared for a month without saying a word! I cried but did not try to contact him or let him know how I felt. After about a month he called but I did not answer, nor did I answer his texts.
A few weeks later I answered him and he apologized, told me he loved me and that he would never let me down again. I believed him and, because I love him so much, gave him another chance. A few months later he turned cold again!
I felt something was wrong but didn't talk about it. I tried to be patient, but after a while I called him and told him we needed to talk. He avoided me, not calling me or meeting me to talk. He'd simply text me saying he was sorry, but he was busy at work. He said he felt guilty for letting me down, but nothing more after that.
I couldn't stop crying because deep inside me I felt he disrespected me. But still I did nothing, keeping my silence. I didn't call because I didn't want to act like a needy, desperate girl. It's been three months and I know nothing about what he's doing.
He sent me a note a month ago saying he missed me, but I didn't answer. Am I doing the right thing I feel hurt and I don't understand why he is doing this to me! I love him and miss him. What do I do about this?
Yes, you are doing the right thing! Listen to the wise words of Peter Tosh, "You gotta walk and don’t look back!” You're in love limbo, but it doesn't bother this guy in the least. Beware of someone who hurts you, promises to never do it again, and then repeats the behavior!
Do not answer him again, EVER. This relationship is one sided, destructive and you're being taken advantage of. The sooner you acknowledge this the better.
You're a doctor, so I know you're intelligent. Put that brain power to work and acknowledge what's going on. You wouldn't treat him this way, would you? So why allow him to do it to you? Put this misery behind you, Dalia. Spend your time with family and friends, not crying constantly.
Send him a note telling him it's over and tell him why. Don't apologize and don't ramble. Short, sweet and to the point. No more phone calls, no more text, no more emails. You don't need this. Heck, no one needs this. Just end it already. Take care.