Dear Dr. Archer,
I have been with my partner, whom I love very much, for seven years. It hasn't always been easy because my work often takes me abroad, and we haven't spent as much time together as I'd like.
However, with our three year old son to consider, we made the sacrifice cheerfully and tried to enjoy the time we had together.
Suddenly my partner has changed her tune. She announced that she wasn't happy with our relationship, no longer felt any chemistry, still liked many things about me but was not in love with me.
She implied the last seven years were part of a fantasy she had about a great family life with a good man, but it was ultimately wrong and she felt we would be happier if we moved on and found other people. She did, however, say that that was far from her main priority.
This has come as a horrible shock to me, as up to this point she and I have generally had a deep, harmonious relationship with plenty of fun, affection and, of course, love for our son. To have all of this ripped out from under my feet is terribly painful and I don't know how to react.
I think this is connected to her need for career fulfillment and some independence, though I strongly suspect her regular dose of Prozac may be a factor. I can't deny that since she started taking the medication she has changed, and not for the better in my view.
These are deep waters for me, but any thoughts you have would be much appreciated. My partner seems to feel she's acting for the best, but it seems a terribly drastic and clinical end to what was a lovely relationship and family unit.
Graham
Dear Graham,
You and your wife need to talk, talk, talk this out so you can both understand what is going on and why. It is possible that marriage counseling would be beneficial -- IF she's willing to do so.
There are many possibilities here: She could be having an affair, have developed new interests or really just have fallen out of love. You must get to the bottom of what is going on. In my experience often an affair is the root cause in situations like this, so come out and ask.
I wonder why she mentioned that finding someone else was not her priority. What does that mean and why would she say that? If she doesn’t want to be with you and if that's not her priority, then what is? You need to ask these questions.
I can tell you Prozac is not the problem. Prozac is a med that treats symptoms of depression, but it will not make her fall in or out of love with you.
Your wife says she still likes many things about you but is no longer in love with you. Bottom line, Graham, IF this is true then no matter how much you talk, I'm afraid the marriage is probably over and it will be something that you need to accept.
Talk to your wife and find the answers you need. Eventually it will become clear. I sincerely wish you much luck.
Dr. Archer
