Dear Dr. Archer,
My own mind is attacking me! I am a 19 year old male and I am overly sensitive because I suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. My problem is that due to my overly sensitive nature, I do not handle drama in my life very well. I do not like confrontation or any form of arguing.
It is because of this sensitivity that it is very difficult to overcome. For example, I was kicked out of my mum's house a couple of months ago and it was an ugly episode with plenty of arguing. At the moment, I argued back and was alright but I knew I was going to feel badly later.
After a drama happens it haunts me. I replay it over and repeatedly in my mind EVERYDAY! It upsets me, frustrates me, and fills me with anger. Then I will replay it with alternatives in my mind. For example, I think of doing something to avoid the situation or I think of things that are awful, like hurting people in the argument really badly. I know that it is natural for people to do this but it's gone beyond normal.
I dwell on it every day! I just cannot move on; this even happens with embarrassing moments. I think that my mind is against me! No one around me puts me down, but my own mind does. My own mind is so critical of me that I lose my concentration and my motivation. I have potential to do well -- all I have to do is put my mind to it.
How can I when my mind distracts me by replaying all these bad things? I have no control over it, and it's killing me. I even suffer from a hair pulling disorder, which makes me lose the will to live.
I have tried to commit suicide six times! My own freaking mind bullies me! How can it do this? It drains my motivation and confidence and is killing me. What can I do about this, and what is this? Help me, please! Thank you.
If you have tried six times to commit suicide, you definitely need to be under the care of a psychiatrist. If you feel like you're going to harm yourself, Jordan, you MUST go immediately to the closest hospital ER.
It's impossible for me to make a diagnosis simply based on a letter, but it sounds like you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder type symptoms. You obsess over any drama in your life, dwelling and living it over on a daily basis. You obsess over awful things, how to hurt people, those who argue with you and embarrassing moments. You keep thinking of it every day, thus you are clearly obsessive. You don’t mention compulsions but the two often go hand in hand.
OCD, just like too much anxiety and stress, can lead to depression over time. Please make an appointment with a good psychiatrist asap, Jordan. He may suggest therapy or meds and both would be a good thing for you.
Please do not delay so you can start your recovery. Good luck; I wish you well.