Dear Dr. Archer,
I'm through with my studies and now I'm looking for a job. I have one older brother, and from childhood my mother has been partial to him, giving him preference. She finds fault in everything I do.
I'm emotionally unbalanced, and if my mother says something unfair or unacceptable, I fight back and don't care about anything.
Last year my boyfriend broke up with me. I gave him an inferiority complex because I am so beautiful. Everyone, including me, feels sorry for him about the whole thing.
I don't know how I'm going to take up my life, get a job and move forward. Everyone hates me, but I need someone to care for me and support me in style. I deserve that after putting up with everything. I'd like you advice, please.
Teena
Dear Teena,
Here's my advice: Change your attitude. Start caring about others. Start liking yourself. Depend on YOU to support yourself in style, NOT someone else. To paraphrase En Vogue; "Free your mind and the rest will follow…..don’t be so shallow”.
Why do you want to play the victim card? This is in the past, so you need to shake all the negativity. You're starting a new chapter in life; school is over and your career is next. You're an adult now; the best gift you can give YOU is an attitude adjustment.
No one owes you anything. If you think people hate you, it's probably because you are self-centered and focused on your beauty. Instead of saying you deserve someone supporting you in style, you should be wondering how to achieve that on your own.
If you're holding onto grudges with friends and family, you'll never break free and move forward. Hard work and dedication will bring success and satisfaction, and that's priceless.
Quit finding fault and blaming external events/people for your unhappiness and stop the self-pity.
Teena, take responsibility for your life. Your mother may have been partial to your brother, and that wasn't right, but ruminating on that is only hurting you. You cannot control your mother's actions, only yours.
Life is not all about you, Teena. I say the same thing about myself! It's not about me. It's our interactions with family, friends and strangers, our work, our passion, our contributions. Be of service to others and you will feel good about yourself.
Living in style with the finer things in life, believe it or not, does not guarantee happiness. There are many miserable wealthy folks out there. Do for others, find employment that you enjoy, and be a kind person. The rest will follow. Take care.
Dr Archer
