Dear Dr. Archer,
I live in India, and I am always stressed and confused. Sometimes I want to die. When I was a child, I would witness my father drink heavily. He would beat my mother very often, and I think that's why I did so poorly in school. One of my neighbors used me as his sex toy, even though I am a boy. I was much too shy to tell my family.
When I was a teenager, I was very thin, and people didn't treat me very well. I'm not a strong student, like I said, and some of the boys in my class would abuse me. My teachers would protect me when they were there, but the problem was that they weren't with me all the time. Sometimes a boy in class would pull my pants off me, humiliating me. He said I wasn't good enough.
When I got older I started taking steroids, and now I am good enough to have sex. I have had two girlfriends, but they both left me after they abused me. I'm 25 years old and I can't even ride a bike. By nature I am a hyper person, and I always seem to talk to myself. Is this normal? Also, I can't seem to forget my girlfriend.
Please, if you read this, please reply. What should I do to have a normal life? I don't know if I have psychological problems or if I just need to get control of my life. I hope you will help me live a better life.
Shakti
Dear Shakti,
You have certainly had bad things happen to you, but you do not have to let those things dictate how you live the rest of your life. That, Shakti, is completely up to you! You have within yourself the power to continue being the victim or the power to stand up for yourself and make decisions where your life goes from this moment on.
You must decide if you are the person you want to be. If not, decide what changes you need to make. Write those changes down where you can see them daily, and work to make them happen, one at a time.
You are focused on the past, and what you have seen and experienced. But, as a man, you need to free yourself from those shackles which are holding you back from enjoying life. Your future depends on what you create going forward.
Decide what values you hold dear. Want to be more self confident? Want to be a true friend? Want to be someone who doesn't hold grudges? I'm just throwing some suggestions out there -- these are things you must decide on your own, because it's whatever YOU want to become.
Then, implement them into your life. As an example, want to be a better friend? Think of ways you can be a good friend -- to listen when someone needs to talk; to be there to help whenever you see someone in need; take the time out to laugh -- everyone enjoys laughter and we all tend to take each other too seriously.
What I'm saying is DO TAKE ACTION, don't just think about how you'd like life to be. Make it happen! Read
Why Can't I Finish What I've Started? to see more examples of what I'm talking about.
Lastly, Shakti, discontinue the steroids. They are not healthy, and they can cause depression and mood swings. You can check out
Drug Free Sport which lists the dangers of steroids. Quite frankly, whatever you're getting out of taking steroids simply isn't worth it. It's much smarter to eat right and get plenty of exercise.
Your happiness lies within you, Shakti. No one but you has control over what you do from this moment on. Get a positive attitude and believe in yourself. When you do this then you can open yourself up to another woman; the relationship will be much, much healthier for you. Take care of yourself first, though. The rest will come.
If all of this seems too daunting to do on your own, then see a therapist to get some guidance. Good luck; I wish you well.
Dr. Archer
