Dr. Dale Archer,
I just read some of the posts on your site regarding not being able to finish things once they're started. I realized I had this problem since my husband and I separated about two years ago and he threw that notion in my face.
Throughout much of my life there have been many things which I start with great enthusiasm and then they just fall by the wayside -- or I find some way to justify giving them up.
I've managed to do the major things like finish high school and an undergraduate degree, but even those things have not given me any sense of purpose.
My house is now full of half read books and craft projects. I've started volunteer positions only to get bored with them after only a few months.
I play violin but find it difficult to maintain my commitment to various community orchestras. I made it through 18 years of marriage and even that got abandoned, though both sides were involved.
I enrolled at the gym with great enthusiasm and have not been in months. I get bored with relationships. My head is often spinning with ideas of things that I could do, some of which I begin but then they're also left unfinished.
This issue seems to be getting worse as I get older. My best solution, when able, is not to start anything so it won't go unfinished. I take antidepressants and have been told I suffer anxiety and depression.
Other than that, I've not been tested for or diagnosed with anything else. Thank you,
Philippa
Dear Philippa,
Okay, you've admitted you have a problem, and that's the first step. You also wrote to me and actually sent your email, so that's another big plus in your favor.
The most important thing here, Philippa, is to not look at these activities as a failure on your apart to follow through, but rather as a trial to see if you like a certain project or activity. Keep pushing yourself to try new things and I promise you will eventually find something you like.
What's your passion? Once you realize your passion, then start slowly and pick only one thing. Get your toes wet and then your feet; ease yourself in and make sure this is something you want to do.
Keep in mind that knowing what you're NOT interested in is just as important as what does interest you. Sometimes it takes a trial period, and that's okay. Sometimes you don't know unless you try.
You say your house if full of half read books and partially done projects. Get rid of it all if you're not going to finish and give them to a worthwhile charity for someone who would love to finish a project.
It’s all about your perception: Admitting that you're quitting is completing a task, i.e. your done with it. Then if you give to someone, you help others in the process.
So, Philippa, start with a clean slate and keep looking for things you may love; they are out there. You really are in control of your own life! Good luck.
Dr. Archer
