Dear Dr. Archer,
I am 25 years old, and have been struggling with homosexuality since I was 16. I am a graduate student studying counseling psychology. I truly want to use my life to help others, but I am discovering that I am very confused within myself.
I have homosexual attractions, yet I have no desire to live a homosexual lifestyle. I am currently in therapy, and I am presently struggling with my life.
You are a young man, and you have plenty of time to figure out who you are. There is no 'right' age to realize if one is gay, bisexual or straight. Some people realize who they are early, while others find out later, while still others change their mind.
I believe the answers to who we are lie within each of us, it just takes really getting to know ourselves to figure that out and oh so few people are willing to put in what I call ‘alone time’ to garner that understanding. We all should make figuring out who we are as a person (not just sexuality, but everything) our number one priority in life.
So, get to know yourself. Spend time with yourself for reflection, that’s right, do some activities alone, also seek the company of good friends, family and positive individuals. The realization of who you are will come with time. Continue to talk to your therapist, give church a try, talk to gay support groups.
You don’t have to decide anything today, there is no rush, Michael. As time passes, questions will be answered one way or another. In the meantime, chill out and enjoy where you are in life as a young man with endless possibilities and who you are as a person today.
Life is about looking forward, not backwards. Enjoy your school and everything it has to offer. If you can do this, you will continue through life without regrets and one day the answer will come to you.