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I Just Remembered A Past Hurt
4/10/2011 9:00:55 PM
Dear Dr Archer,
This is a very hard subject to talk about. When I was 10 years old I sexually experimented with my younger cousin.  I remembered about a month ago that I did it and I feel horrible about it.

I love my cousin very much and it was a onetime thing. I am now 18 and I have no idea why I did it and it sickens me. Why would I do such a thing? 

I don't know whether to tell anyone or deal with it on my own. I know if I told anyone in my family it would tear the family apart. I love my cousin and would never do anything to hurt  her. I just need help coping with it.
Dominic

Dear Dominic,
Thank you for having the courage to admit this happened. Sometimes we block out these events and the memory can be overwhelming and shameful when it returns.

Pre-adolescents are curious about their sexuality and may experiment with younger friends and family members without any harmful intent. Assuming it was just touching and a onetime deal, this is a normal part of growing up and is not something which causes lasting damage to either person.

Forgive yourself, Dominic. You were only 10 years old. Love and enjoy your time with all your family.
Dr. Archer
Posted by: Dr. Dale Archer | Submit comment | Tell a friend

Categories: Family Situation  |  Sex Addiction  |  Stress

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5 Comments
Brenda
4/11/2011 3:49:51 PM
Yeah, some things are so bad that I wish I didn't remember! When I was five years old I remember my mom and aunt would leave me and my cousin (six months younger than me) with my aunt's boyfriend alot of times. One night my memory kicked-in as he sat me and my cousin on the kitchen table. He was
pretending to give us a sponge bath. He stood in front of my cousin first and pulled-out this big long red thing from his pants. I said to myself if he puts that in my mouth, I am going to bite it off !! Well he must have seen an astonished look upon my face because he let me go back to the living room. He kept my cousin in the kitchen and she kept screaming and crying. I had a rotten child-hood and an ignorant, selfish, mean talking
mother that had alot of men friends. These are the kind of memories I get to carry around with me!! A
real sad mess!! People are idiots!! I just pray that women will read this and NOT EVERY LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN WITH A MAN !! People can appear to be nice on the outside, but it is the inward person that we all need to be aware of !!
Lola
4/11/2011 3:50:37 PM
I think sometimes the childhood indiscretions are harder on the perp than the recipient. Still quite young, a younger cousin of mine got caught chasing me around the room trying to terrorize me by squirting me with it (I still don't know what "it" was -he was quite young). Him getting caught in the act was probably one of the most traumatic times of his childhood as his dad was rather harsh on him, I think. We have always remained friends and both of us are glad the 8-millimeter projectors are defunct because there was also a bath scene that delights the adults but makes both of us cringe.
****
DDA: Yes, Lola! Some of the old family footage that seemed harmless during our childhood would be considered either questionable or blatantly wrong in today's standards!
DDA
4/12/2011 4:03:09 PM
People can be very deceptive, Brenda, that is true. But we now know that parents shouldn't leave their child alone with a man or a woman. Unfortunately, both sexes can do devastating things with innocent children.
DDA
4/12/2011 4:04:02 PM
Yes, Lola! Some of the old family footage that seemed harmless during our childhood would be considered either questionable or blatantly wrong by today's standards!
James
6/9/2011 1:11:22 PM
Dominic,

I am a convicted pedophile, and have had these urges since I was a young boy. Believe me, what you are describing does not sound at all the same as what I went through. Once I started experimenting, I did not stop. The fact that you stopped and did not do it again probably points to the fact that it was just childhood experimentation and nothing else. You really can't feel bad about something you did when you were 10 - you were just barely learning about life.

Be happy. You're fine.
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