Dear Dr. Archer,
I'm a 22 year old good hearted, simple female. I've always been quiet since childhood, because my parents did not let me mix with boys. I don't feel comfortable in a big group. I don't speak, because I don't know what to say to people.
I come across as a quiet, boring and shy person, although I'm really not shy. It's just that I feel like talking to as few people as possible. With the people I like, I talk a great deal and have plenty to share with them.
Recently I have been admitted into a new college, and as of yet I have not made any friends, and I feel depressed. I don't know why I can't behave like normal people.
I don't enjoy watching movies with classmates or going for outings. I'd much rather enjoy a movie alone or with close buddies, which are few. I recently had a breakup with my boyfriend who was an introvert and shy fellow, more than me.
Dr. Archer, it's been a month since I entered this college, and I'm finding it difficult. Please tell me how to keep myself going and happy. I will be highly grateful to you!.
The best way to meet people is to have good eye contact, and to always smile. Smiling indicates you are open to others and have a happy, positive nature. I'd like for you to read a previous letter which was sent to me, "I Hate My Shyness"
. Many things in there pertain to you and your situation.
College is full of new opportunities. Join some clubs that interest you, attend special lectures, pick some club sports to try. You will meet people your age who share your likes. You say you're not shy, that you simply enjoy being alone. Being alone is not a bad thing at all.
The key is to do things that make you happy, not what makes others happy. Embrace yourself for your own uniqueness; be comfortable in your own skin, Zara, and the rest will fall into place easily.
So much money is spent on marketing in today’s world to try to convince everyone that the only way to be happy is to be ‘normal’. But remember that normal is average, just like everyone else.
So what if you’re shy, so what if you prefer a small group of friends to a big party. That is who you are and that is how to find happiness. Embrace yourself as a unique person, don’t try to be like every one else.
In the meantime, I urge you to take my suggestions and just be yourself and do what ensures your happiness and success. Best of luck in college!