Dear Dr. Archer,
I live in the UK. The sight of the naked female is greatly distressing to me. It has been since I was the age of twelve, when a neighbor's daughter decided to enlighten me to the female anatomy. Actually, I feel alienated from the naked female, generally.
The naked male, however, I find intensely erotic. Does that make me gay? Did that earlier traumatic childhood experience influence how I feel today?
I deliberately avoid becoming too intimate with any marriage-minded females, much to their disappointment. It's not only a disappointment to female acquaintances, but this was also a significant problem for my late mother, because I am an only child.
This problem has practically determined my adult life. I still do not feel at ease in the company of females, including paradoxically my female cousins.
Finally, I would like to add that whether it is the sight of the naked female or the naked male, I have an inexplicable terrible sense of loss.
Gordon
Hi Gordon,
Just because you find naked women distressing and naked men erotic does not make you gay. But that question would be a good place to start your self analysis. There is a rating system that looks at sexuality based on a 1 to 7 scale with respect to actual life and fantasy life. For example, a pure heterosexual male who only had sex with women and only fantasized about sex with women would rate a reality-1 and a fantasy-1. A pure homosexual would rank a 7/7.
This scale is helpful in cases where an individual is unsure of their own sexuality. In those cases the fantasy ranking may hold the key. You should put some thought into this scale and determine where you fit.
So first, understand that seeing a naked girl when you were 12 in no way, shape or form determined your current sexuality. However, you sound miserable in your current condition and you need to sort this out. I recommend going to see a therapist expressly to determine and become comfortable with this aspect of who you are. Once you get that sorted out I believe everything will be so much easier for you, Gordon. Life is too short to fight against who we are. Start work on this immediately.
Dr. Archer
