Dear Dr. Archer,
I'm 23 and have been watching pornography since I was 11. I need to stop, as it has taken all my time and it's ruining my life! Every time I want to watch porn I tell myself I'm better than that, but then I always end up watching it, usually when I feel lonely.
Please help!
Bd
Dear Bd,
Watching porn can be just as addictive as many physical dependencies, such as drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. You may not be putting anything into your body, but you're still getting a physical effect from the dopamine that is being released into your brain when you watch the pornography.
Congratulations, Bd. The first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have a problem. Sometimes that's the hardest part, so now that you admit it, let's get started.
Internet porn is so easily accessible because it's just you and the computer. With just a click, porn is at anyone's beck and call, 24/7. This availability just makes it all the more devastating for many, as you can tell by letters I've received, like Porn is Ruining My Life!, Help, I'm Addicted To Porn and My Husband Is Addicted To Porn. Check them out, and follow the links, as they all offer suggestions on how to overcome pornography addiction.
Porn is not always just about the sex. Viewing porn can be hypnotic, focusing your total attention on what you're viewing, and wasting plenty of time in the process. Some use it as an escape from other things such as work, boredom, stress or as a means of procrastination.You're using it to relieve loneliness. It happens often, Bd, starting out as entertainment, then an escape and finally for many, a curse.
First, admit that you are in charge of your own actions. No one is forcing you to watch porn; this is something you decide every time you watch it. From now on, take responsibility for your actions.
Here are some suggestions:
**Write down on paper how you feel after you view porn. To get you started, it takes up your time, makes you feel worthless when you know you're not, and it's ruining your life. Now write more, everything you feel afterwards. Weak? Disgusted? Shame? Write it down! Keep that list next to your computer. The next time you go online, I want that list staring right at you, and I want you to pick it up and read it.
Get up and go to another room and wait 20 minutes and contemplate what's written on that paper. Your mind will most likely play tricks on you, telling you this time will be different, you'll only spend 10 minutes, whatever. Don't buy it! YOU are in control of YOUR actions. You, Bd, are to be held accountable for your actions.
**Know the danger times! Whether it's loneliness, boredom, feeling unappreciated or stressed, when you feel the trigger, close your eyes, relax, and go do something else. Take a walk around the block, take a shower, go to a gym, call or go see a friend. Do something else!
Is there something you'd like to learn? Take up a new hobby or reinvest your time on something you know and enjoy. Need ideas? Check out 67 healthy things you can do for fun that do not require a television or computer. You'll feel much better about yourself.
**Know the safe times! This can be overlooked, but it can be just as enlightening as the danger times. What are you doing when you're not thinking about porn? What's different? This could be the solution to your problem. Know yourself.
If you still need help, Bd, by all means check out Porn Addicts Anonymous. See if there are meetings in your location, email the organization and check out their informational and helpful blogs.
Remember, viewing porn can absolutely get out of hand, more than just a bad habit, but, you CAN overcome this. Good luck
Dr Archer
